1. Remain Calm
In the draft I participated in this past week, I did not remain calm. For instance, I freaked out when Martin Havlat was taken from me. A calm Dr. Faith would have sat back and said "Well, who do I want next?" And would have calmly selected Eric Cole or Brian Gionta. Instead Dr. Faith became frantic and as a result ended up, lamentably, with Jason Blake. Dr. Faith chose to cuss out a fellow drafter rather than to proceed on with her good drafting skills. Don't let the boys get you down, their goal is to taunt, to tell you every pick was horrible, and every once in a while to pick a guy that you want. Don't let on that you wanted him, just keep on drafting... there are always more guys and some of them may end up better than the ones you wanted!
2. Pick the Best Player Available
Now I know a lot of you may be sitting there thinking "Well, duh." But if that were true, then there wouldn't be teams with mediocre to horrible drafts. In fact, in the draft I participated in a few teams only drafted the first 6 rounds... and then LEFT! Anyone can draft the first 4 rounds. Sure, some people are better than others, but for the first few rounds everyone is pretty freakin' good. The trouble comes after these early rounds. Now you're faced with a decision: Do I draft the guy who I know will get me good, average stats or do I draft the guy who has the potential to be a top round pick but also has the potential to fall off the face of the planet? If you want to finish in 3rd-8th place in your league, I recommend getting the consistent guy. This guy isn't going to improve, however (barring an injury) he probably isn't going to do much worse either. However, in the middle of the drafts you can find quite a few gems. For instance, this is where you can find guys who are capable of 40+ Gs, but maybe didn't play last year because of injury, illness or perhaps they didn't play well because of Stanley Cup Hangover. You can find quite a few bargain guys here. For instance, this year players like Martin Havlat, Eric Cole, Eric Staal, and Brian Gionta were all available in the middle picks for some lucky teams to pick up.
After these guys go, who do you want to target next? Well, this is where it gets a little tricky. You, again, don't want just the consistent guys, you want guys who can improve. You want to get a guy for less than he is worth. How do you know? Read up on the players on sites like Rotoworld. These sites will likely tell you if a player has been looking particularly sharp or not in training camp. Perhaps they've lost a little weight and are skating faster. Or maybe they put on a couple pounds and can now really make their way through the defense of the other team. Maybe they are prior first round draft picks who have steadily improved over the last few years and look like they are ready to break out. These are risky rounds, because for every 3 players you think may be "that guy" -- maybe only one will. But if you can find "the one" it will be worth the other 2 guys that you'll end up dropping. But don't worry about it, because those average, run of the mill, consistent players will always be there mid-season for you to pick up. Worry about getting some talent in the draft, because once that player does show some skin his owner will be a very lucky girl.
3. Be flexible
And not just in a putting your knees behind your head kind of way. You may end up having to rearrange how you thought you would put together your draft. Maybe you anticipated that you would get some goal scoring in the first two rounds, but there is no one there when the draft comes to you that you think is worth the pick. In that case, go for some top-notch netminders and worry about the goals after you have secured a fantastic set of men between the pipes. Whatever crazy thing the draft throws you, and it WILL throw you some crazy shit, stay calm and stay flexible.
4. Always Draft Players Who Will Make the Greatest Impact
Perhaps this is a "no duh" statement again. But it really isn't. For instance, every year some crazy dip-shit drafts a defenseman in the 3rd round. What can a defense men REALLY do for you? If you're drafting a defensemen who gets 20G and 30A over a forward who gets 35G and 45A you're an idiot. There are plenty of defensemen in the later rounds who can get you at least 10 goals and 30 assists. However, in these same rounds the forwards available will be about as good as some of the best defensemen (20G, 30A).
So if you get the good forward first you may end up with:
Forward: 35G, 45A
Defensemen: 10G, 30A
Total: 45G, 75A
If you get the defensemen early you may end up with:
Defensemen: 20G, 30A
Forward: 20G, 30A
Total: 40G, 60A
So by getting the best player available, rather than trying to fill up all your roster spots with the "best players at each position" you are GAINING a potential 5 goals and 15 assists. Sure, that doesn't seem like a lot. But if you add this with the other good forwards that you've gotten instead of defensemen AND if you also get mid-round picks that are potential 40-50G scorers (See #2) while your fellow players are getting "good defensemen" that number gets larger and so will the distance between you and the fellow in second place.
5. When in Doubt, Go Young
If you can't decide which to two players to get, always get the younger one. Younger guys have cuter butts, more stamina, and are less likely to get injured as your ride their asses to the end of the season. They also tend to have larger penises. True story.
Wednesday, October 3, 2007
Tuesday, October 2, 2007
The Start of a Good Fantasy Team
Well, tonight was our Fantasy Hockey Draft. I had the unfortunate luck of drafting right after and before Matt, which resulted in MANY picks that I wanted going to him. It threw me off pretty bad for two rounds, but I think I still managed to do alright.
Round 1: Ilya Kovalchuk
Comments: I drafted Ilya last year as well, though 3 picks earlier. I was satisfied with the results, but not overly pleased. Matt stole Jagr from me the pick before, which made me very sad.
Penis size: He's a solid 7 inches. Enough to make you happy, not so much that you think "WOW THAT DUDE OF HUGE"
Round 2: Roberto Luongo
Comments: This is my first year with "Long Bob" -- he is undoubtedly the best goalie in the year. I didn't want to take a goalie in the 2nd, but I didn't like any of the forwards that were left. So I have a good goalie this year, which is different from years past where I have relied on Free Agents to make up my goalie staff. It will be nice to finely do well in Shut Outs.
Penis size: 10" -- they don't call him "Long Bob" for nothing.
Round 3: Brendan Shanahan
Comments: Strictly by the numbers this guy is a beast. 40/40 player with a great line to work with. I'm stoked about this pick and glad he fell to me. He's a little old... but he used to be a Red Wing, so I can wear my Red Wings jersey and root for him.
Penis size: 8" Shanahan is hot in bed.
Round 4: Marc-Andre Fleury
Comments: I loved the fact that I could draft Fleury. He was one of the two goalies I picked up last year that rocked my team. He plays for a team that has great offense and horrid defense -- translate this too lots of saves and lots of wins. He was stellar last year as a sophmore and I think he'll only get better this year as he and his team mature a bit.
Penis size: 9" It just keeps getting bigger!
Round 5: Michael Cammalleri
Comments: I needed to pick a center and there weren't many I liked. But Cammalleri has a lot of upside. He's playing for LA, which I think will be an AWESOME team this year. And as Anze and Frolov get better, so will Cammalleri. 40G/50A is quite possible I believe.
Penis size: A respectable 7.5"
Round 6: Ryan Getzlaf
Comments: Make no mistake about it, this was a risky pick. Getzlaf is coming from a team that just won the Stanley Cup AND who will probably lose their two best players. Yet, I think that Getzlaf is a rising star and will fill the role of Teemu on the team. I'm putting a lot of stock in him, but I think that 35G/40A is completely do-able if not more. He's also really hot, IMHO.
Penis size: 6" chub
Round 7: Jason Blake
Comments: Matt had just taken Martin Havlat, who was who I was planning on taking. I was so flustered that I couldn't find another person. While I was still searching I ran out of time and got the highest O-Ranked player: Jason Blake. Blake had 40G last year and 20G the year before. He has also switched teams since his 40G season (now a Maple Leaf). I think I'll be lucky if he breaks 30G.
Penis size: 4"
Round 8: Erik Cole
Comments: I composed myself enough to pick a guy that I did have an eye on, unfortunately I still wasn't fully together. I should have picked Brian Gionta (who Matt then got with his next pick). These were two weak rounds for me that were completely through off by Matt taking Havlat. I should have been more prepared for other guys I wanted, I was just so sure that Havlat would fall to me and I could have the full 4 minutes searching for my second guy. As for Cole, he had 29G last year, but I think this year he'll push towards 35G/35A. I'm hopeful for some good hockey from this kid.
Penis size: 6"
Round 9: Petr Sykora
Comments: Sykora was recently traded to Pittsburg, and I really think the trade will do him some good. He'll be spending playing time with Crosby and Malkin, which should boost his value. I think that 35/45 is a possibility.
Penis size: 9" -- this guy is loaded
Round 10: Kevin Bieksa
Comments: Coming in at round 10, Kevin is my first Defensman. I'm totally stoked about him. He should get me 15G, 40A, 100+ PIM. What more could you ask for?
Penis size: 12" -- he'll fight you down with his mighty sword
Round 11: Nicklas Backstrom
Comments: We have a rookie!!! The first rookie on my team, I'm totally loving the Backstrom. I think he'll be the ROY and will be the Malkin of this year. 40G? Not likely. But 20, definitely... perhaps more. He is a risk with high upside, and I like it!
Penis size: Moderate 5"
Round 12: Shea Weber
Comments: My second defenseman. I love Shea Weber, he was on my team last year and we had a great time together. Upside galor, young, talented, decent line. Call me naive, but I think this defenseman will reach 30/40 this year.
Penis size: 8" uncut
Round 13: Cory Stillman
Comments: Cory had surgery last year and as a result didn't play much, he also underperformed when he did play because of Stanley Cup letdown, so I knew I could get him fairly cheap. Will he be worth it? I'm not sure. He is old, which I don't like. But I think a point a game could happen. Maybe... I hope... Who knows... He probably won't break 30 goals, so he will most likely end up getting dropped if some better, new, more shiny forward comes around -- as I'm sure they will. I should have probably gotten Jordan Staal instead.
Penis size: Shriveled and old
Round 14: Michal Rozsival
Comments: Another Dman. He should be good for 10G/30A. If he shows signs of weakness/someone else looks better, I will most certainly drop him as, while he has upside, it isn't very high.
Penis Size: 3.5" -- he can put it in, but would you notice?
Round 15: Jonathan Bernier
Comments: I should have taken a better goalie in round 13 or 14. But, there were no goalies taken in these rounds that I could have gotten. Jonathan will be taking the lead in LA as their goalie. He has GREAT potential. But he is fighting for the #1 spot with three other goalies who are all talented. LA will be good, so he'll get the wins and the saves if he plays, but he is a gamble for play time. If he wins the #1 goalie position this will be the best pick of the 15th round without question. If he doesn't, he'll most likely be dropped like all the other 15th round picks.
Penis size: VIRGIN -- UNKNOWN
Round 16: Jack Johnson
Comments: Jack Johnson was my 20th round pick two years ago. This is the first year he'll actually play. He did great at U of M for a defenseman with 16G in 35 games. I have high hopes for this kid. I also like that he was traded to the Kings the end of last season. The Kings are my team this year, can you tell?
Penis size: 7" and growing
Round 17: Chris Clark
Comments: This is another risky pick. Clark had a 30G/24A year last year. Will he repeat it? Maybe. He will see some power play time, which is good, but the real test will be which line he plays on. If Chris sees the first or second line with Ovechkin and Semin he will most likely repeat or improve on those numbers. Which is rare to find in the 17th round. However, if he plays on the 3rd line, he pretty much will need to be dropped as his talent isn't his own but is dependent on the good players around him.
Penis size: 2" bare backing only
Round 18: Christopher Higgins
Comments: My second Chris in a row, I like this guy. He has huge upside, but also some injury risk. He could get a 30G/45A season with a sprinkling of SHG. I had him for a while last year and was generally pleased with the results. However, in preseason training he has seemed a little rusty, so it is likely that it could take him a month or two to get into the swing of things.
Penis size: 4" -- why do you think he likes short hands?
Round 19: Kristopher Letang
Comments: Another "Chris." I needed to get two defensemen with my last two picks, and I wanted guys with upside. The first choice was Letang. I like Letang because he's a rookie. And I generally like young, undiscovered talent. He has 10G/30A talent... that is if he makes it to the majors. He may end up being my Jack Johnson of the draft, but I'm okay with that.
Penis size: 5"
Round 20: Filip Kuba
Comments: Tim seemed surprised when I picked Filip, but honestly, I kinda like the guy. Sure, I probably could have gotten him off waivers, but in a month I'll be able to get ANY of the last round picks off of waivers. I think he will get 12G/35A. Perhaps not.
Penis size: 3.67"
So that is my team! I'm excited for the new year. I think I'm weak overall in goal scoring, as none of my guys really have 50 goal potential. But I think that with the defenseman I chose I will be in the top half of scoring. Assists is always my weak point, again I have no one really strong in this area, just a lot of slightly above average guys which will get me lower, top half of assists. Plus/minus is bad. I'll be lucky to get 3-4 points here. We'll have to work out a trade here to get someone real good. PIM is average, but all of my guys for the most part get at least 40 PIM a season, I think I will be in the upper top half, but not winning this category. PPG will actually be a strong category for me as most of my guys play on the power play. I don't think I will win it, but I think I will end up in the top 4. Short handed goals I think will also be a strong category, again, I won't be on top, but I think that top 5 is reasonable. Game winning goals will likely be weak. I don't have as many top guys as I did last year. In fact, last year I dominated both goals and GWG. I don't have as awesome of a team this year as I did last in terms of goal scoring. I'll most likely be in the bottom half here. I've got some great shooter though, I think that I'll be in the top half for SOG. Which lands me at this point solidly in 4-5th place... UNTIL... you consider goalies.
My goalie staff is phenom. I think I will finish in the top 2-3 is every category for goaling. This bumps me up into contention for 1st, I believe.
Still, my draft wasn't superb, and maybe this was a factor of how deep the league is. I did complain last year that with only 9 people there were players available that shouldn't have been available. I got my wish, and now the free agents list is a sad, sad story of no one you really want. Perhaps my team is better than I think, who knows. It will still take some good mid-season moves to really bulk up the goal scoring and the assists. I know there is at least one forward out there who is just waiting to break out into his 40G year... and I'll be there to grab him when he does.
Round 1: Ilya Kovalchuk
Comments: I drafted Ilya last year as well, though 3 picks earlier. I was satisfied with the results, but not overly pleased. Matt stole Jagr from me the pick before, which made me very sad.
Penis size: He's a solid 7 inches. Enough to make you happy, not so much that you think "WOW THAT DUDE OF HUGE"
Round 2: Roberto Luongo
Comments: This is my first year with "Long Bob" -- he is undoubtedly the best goalie in the year. I didn't want to take a goalie in the 2nd, but I didn't like any of the forwards that were left. So I have a good goalie this year, which is different from years past where I have relied on Free Agents to make up my goalie staff. It will be nice to finely do well in Shut Outs.
Penis size: 10" -- they don't call him "Long Bob" for nothing.
Round 3: Brendan Shanahan
Comments: Strictly by the numbers this guy is a beast. 40/40 player with a great line to work with. I'm stoked about this pick and glad he fell to me. He's a little old... but he used to be a Red Wing, so I can wear my Red Wings jersey and root for him.
Penis size: 8" Shanahan is hot in bed.
Round 4: Marc-Andre Fleury
Comments: I loved the fact that I could draft Fleury. He was one of the two goalies I picked up last year that rocked my team. He plays for a team that has great offense and horrid defense -- translate this too lots of saves and lots of wins. He was stellar last year as a sophmore and I think he'll only get better this year as he and his team mature a bit.
Penis size: 9" It just keeps getting bigger!
Round 5: Michael Cammalleri
Comments: I needed to pick a center and there weren't many I liked. But Cammalleri has a lot of upside. He's playing for LA, which I think will be an AWESOME team this year. And as Anze and Frolov get better, so will Cammalleri. 40G/50A is quite possible I believe.
Penis size: A respectable 7.5"
Round 6: Ryan Getzlaf
Comments: Make no mistake about it, this was a risky pick. Getzlaf is coming from a team that just won the Stanley Cup AND who will probably lose their two best players. Yet, I think that Getzlaf is a rising star and will fill the role of Teemu on the team. I'm putting a lot of stock in him, but I think that 35G/40A is completely do-able if not more. He's also really hot, IMHO.
Penis size: 6" chub
Round 7: Jason Blake
Comments: Matt had just taken Martin Havlat, who was who I was planning on taking. I was so flustered that I couldn't find another person. While I was still searching I ran out of time and got the highest O-Ranked player: Jason Blake. Blake had 40G last year and 20G the year before. He has also switched teams since his 40G season (now a Maple Leaf). I think I'll be lucky if he breaks 30G.
Penis size: 4"
Round 8: Erik Cole
Comments: I composed myself enough to pick a guy that I did have an eye on, unfortunately I still wasn't fully together. I should have picked Brian Gionta (who Matt then got with his next pick). These were two weak rounds for me that were completely through off by Matt taking Havlat. I should have been more prepared for other guys I wanted, I was just so sure that Havlat would fall to me and I could have the full 4 minutes searching for my second guy. As for Cole, he had 29G last year, but I think this year he'll push towards 35G/35A. I'm hopeful for some good hockey from this kid.
Penis size: 6"
Round 9: Petr Sykora
Comments: Sykora was recently traded to Pittsburg, and I really think the trade will do him some good. He'll be spending playing time with Crosby and Malkin, which should boost his value. I think that 35/45 is a possibility.
Penis size: 9" -- this guy is loaded
Round 10: Kevin Bieksa
Comments: Coming in at round 10, Kevin is my first Defensman. I'm totally stoked about him. He should get me 15G, 40A, 100+ PIM. What more could you ask for?
Penis size: 12" -- he'll fight you down with his mighty sword
Round 11: Nicklas Backstrom
Comments: We have a rookie!!! The first rookie on my team, I'm totally loving the Backstrom. I think he'll be the ROY and will be the Malkin of this year. 40G? Not likely. But 20, definitely... perhaps more. He is a risk with high upside, and I like it!
Penis size: Moderate 5"
Round 12: Shea Weber
Comments: My second defenseman. I love Shea Weber, he was on my team last year and we had a great time together. Upside galor, young, talented, decent line. Call me naive, but I think this defenseman will reach 30/40 this year.
Penis size: 8" uncut
Round 13: Cory Stillman
Comments: Cory had surgery last year and as a result didn't play much, he also underperformed when he did play because of Stanley Cup letdown, so I knew I could get him fairly cheap. Will he be worth it? I'm not sure. He is old, which I don't like. But I think a point a game could happen. Maybe... I hope... Who knows... He probably won't break 30 goals, so he will most likely end up getting dropped if some better, new, more shiny forward comes around -- as I'm sure they will. I should have probably gotten Jordan Staal instead.
Penis size: Shriveled and old
Round 14: Michal Rozsival
Comments: Another Dman. He should be good for 10G/30A. If he shows signs of weakness/someone else looks better, I will most certainly drop him as, while he has upside, it isn't very high.
Penis Size: 3.5" -- he can put it in, but would you notice?
Round 15: Jonathan Bernier
Comments: I should have taken a better goalie in round 13 or 14. But, there were no goalies taken in these rounds that I could have gotten. Jonathan will be taking the lead in LA as their goalie. He has GREAT potential. But he is fighting for the #1 spot with three other goalies who are all talented. LA will be good, so he'll get the wins and the saves if he plays, but he is a gamble for play time. If he wins the #1 goalie position this will be the best pick of the 15th round without question. If he doesn't, he'll most likely be dropped like all the other 15th round picks.
Penis size: VIRGIN -- UNKNOWN
Round 16: Jack Johnson
Comments: Jack Johnson was my 20th round pick two years ago. This is the first year he'll actually play. He did great at U of M for a defenseman with 16G in 35 games. I have high hopes for this kid. I also like that he was traded to the Kings the end of last season. The Kings are my team this year, can you tell?
Penis size: 7" and growing
Round 17: Chris Clark
Comments: This is another risky pick. Clark had a 30G/24A year last year. Will he repeat it? Maybe. He will see some power play time, which is good, but the real test will be which line he plays on. If Chris sees the first or second line with Ovechkin and Semin he will most likely repeat or improve on those numbers. Which is rare to find in the 17th round. However, if he plays on the 3rd line, he pretty much will need to be dropped as his talent isn't his own but is dependent on the good players around him.
Penis size: 2" bare backing only
Round 18: Christopher Higgins
Comments: My second Chris in a row, I like this guy. He has huge upside, but also some injury risk. He could get a 30G/45A season with a sprinkling of SHG. I had him for a while last year and was generally pleased with the results. However, in preseason training he has seemed a little rusty, so it is likely that it could take him a month or two to get into the swing of things.
Penis size: 4" -- why do you think he likes short hands?
Round 19: Kristopher Letang
Comments: Another "Chris." I needed to get two defensemen with my last two picks, and I wanted guys with upside. The first choice was Letang. I like Letang because he's a rookie. And I generally like young, undiscovered talent. He has 10G/30A talent... that is if he makes it to the majors. He may end up being my Jack Johnson of the draft, but I'm okay with that.
Penis size: 5"
Round 20: Filip Kuba
Comments: Tim seemed surprised when I picked Filip, but honestly, I kinda like the guy. Sure, I probably could have gotten him off waivers, but in a month I'll be able to get ANY of the last round picks off of waivers. I think he will get 12G/35A. Perhaps not.
Penis size: 3.67"
So that is my team! I'm excited for the new year. I think I'm weak overall in goal scoring, as none of my guys really have 50 goal potential. But I think that with the defenseman I chose I will be in the top half of scoring. Assists is always my weak point, again I have no one really strong in this area, just a lot of slightly above average guys which will get me lower, top half of assists. Plus/minus is bad. I'll be lucky to get 3-4 points here. We'll have to work out a trade here to get someone real good. PIM is average, but all of my guys for the most part get at least 40 PIM a season, I think I will be in the upper top half, but not winning this category. PPG will actually be a strong category for me as most of my guys play on the power play. I don't think I will win it, but I think I will end up in the top 4. Short handed goals I think will also be a strong category, again, I won't be on top, but I think that top 5 is reasonable. Game winning goals will likely be weak. I don't have as many top guys as I did last year. In fact, last year I dominated both goals and GWG. I don't have as awesome of a team this year as I did last in terms of goal scoring. I'll most likely be in the bottom half here. I've got some great shooter though, I think that I'll be in the top half for SOG. Which lands me at this point solidly in 4-5th place... UNTIL... you consider goalies.
My goalie staff is phenom. I think I will finish in the top 2-3 is every category for goaling. This bumps me up into contention for 1st, I believe.
Still, my draft wasn't superb, and maybe this was a factor of how deep the league is. I did complain last year that with only 9 people there were players available that shouldn't have been available. I got my wish, and now the free agents list is a sad, sad story of no one you really want. Perhaps my team is better than I think, who knows. It will still take some good mid-season moves to really bulk up the goal scoring and the assists. I know there is at least one forward out there who is just waiting to break out into his 40G year... and I'll be there to grab him when he does.
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