How to Draft the Best Fantasy Team Ever

1. Remain Calm

In the draft I participated in this past week, I did not remain calm. For instance, I freaked out when Martin Havlat was taken from me. A calm Dr. Faith would have sat back and said "Well, who do I want next?" And would have calmly selected Eric Cole or Brian Gionta. Instead Dr. Faith became frantic and as a result ended up, lamentably, with Jason Blake. Dr. Faith chose to cuss out a fellow drafter rather than to proceed on with her good drafting skills. Don't let the boys get you down, their goal is to taunt, to tell you every pick was horrible, and every once in a while to pick a guy that you want. Don't let on that you wanted him, just keep on drafting... there are always more guys and some of them may end up better than the ones you wanted!

2. Pick the Best Player Available

Now I know a lot of you may be sitting there thinking "Well, duh." But if that were true, then there wouldn't be teams with mediocre to horrible drafts. In fact, in the draft I participated in a few teams only drafted the first 6 rounds... and then LEFT! Anyone can draft the first 4 rounds. Sure, some people are better than others, but for the first few rounds everyone is pretty freakin' good. The trouble comes after these early rounds. Now you're faced with a decision: Do I draft the guy who I know will get me good, average stats or do I draft the guy who has the potential to be a top round pick but also has the potential to fall off the face of the planet? If you want to finish in 3rd-8th place in your league, I recommend getting the consistent guy. This guy isn't going to improve, however (barring an injury) he probably isn't going to do much worse either. However, in the middle of the drafts you can find quite a few gems. For instance, this is where you can find guys who are capable of 40+ Gs, but maybe didn't play last year because of injury, illness or perhaps they didn't play well because of Stanley Cup Hangover. You can find quite a few bargain guys here. For instance, this year players like Martin Havlat, Eric Cole, Eric Staal, and Brian Gionta were all available in the middle picks for some lucky teams to pick up.

After these guys go, who do you want to target next? Well, this is where it gets a little tricky. You, again, don't want just the consistent guys, you want guys who can improve. You want to get a guy for less than he is worth. How do you know? Read up on the players on sites like Rotoworld. These sites will likely tell you if a player has been looking particularly sharp or not in training camp. Perhaps they've lost a little weight and are skating faster. Or maybe they put on a couple pounds and can now really make their way through the defense of the other team. Maybe they are prior first round draft picks who have steadily improved over the last few years and look like they are ready to break out. These are risky rounds, because for every 3 players you think may be "that guy" -- maybe only one will. But if you can find "the one" it will be worth the other 2 guys that you'll end up dropping. But don't worry about it, because those average, run of the mill, consistent players will always be there mid-season for you to pick up. Worry about getting some talent in the draft, because once that player does show some skin his owner will be a very lucky girl.

3. Be flexible

And not just in a putting your knees behind your head kind of way. You may end up having to rearrange how you thought you would put together your draft. Maybe you anticipated that you would get some goal scoring in the first two rounds, but there is no one there when the draft comes to you that you think is worth the pick. In that case, go for some top-notch netminders and worry about the goals after you have secured a fantastic set of men between the pipes. Whatever crazy thing the draft throws you, and it WILL throw you some crazy shit, stay calm and stay flexible.

4. Always Draft Players Who Will Make the Greatest Impact

Perhaps this is a "no duh" statement again. But it really isn't. For instance, every year some crazy dip-shit drafts a defenseman in the 3rd round. What can a defense men REALLY do for you? If you're drafting a defensemen who gets 20G and 30A over a forward who gets 35G and 45A you're an idiot. There are plenty of defensemen in the later rounds who can get you at least 10 goals and 30 assists. However, in these same rounds the forwards available will be about as good as some of the best defensemen (20G, 30A).

So if you get the good forward first you may end up with:
Forward: 35G, 45A
Defensemen: 10G, 30A
Total: 45G, 75A

If you get the defensemen early you may end up with:
Defensemen: 20G, 30A
Forward: 20G, 30A
Total: 40G, 60A

So by getting the best player available, rather than trying to fill up all your roster spots with the "best players at each position" you are GAINING a potential 5 goals and 15 assists. Sure, that doesn't seem like a lot. But if you add this with the other good forwards that you've gotten instead of defensemen AND if you also get mid-round picks that are potential 40-50G scorers (See #2) while your fellow players are getting "good defensemen" that number gets larger and so will the distance between you and the fellow in second place.

5. When in Doubt, Go Young

If you can't decide which to two players to get, always get the younger one. Younger guys have cuter butts, more stamina, and are less likely to get injured as your ride their asses to the end of the season. They also tend to have larger penises. True story.